


The Beginning and The End

by Schlafwandeln



Category: GOT7
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Violence, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 04:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17094200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schlafwandeln/pseuds/Schlafwandeln
Summary: Park Jinyoung learns the beginning— and perhaps also the end— of depression, through Kim Yugyeom. One step at a time.Rated M for references to minor acts of past violence and abuse, and use of expletives.





	The Beginning and The End

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first work that I’ve published. I was quite satisfied with this and thought I might share it.
> 
> Note that this work is unbeta-ed so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Warning: there are references to depression, panic attacks, abuse and sex(non- explicit). If this ain’t your cup of tea then it’s okay to click away ^-^.

When does depression begin?

 

Jinyoung thinks it was when he stopped eating for several days because he couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed.

 

Or maybe it was when he’d jerk awake in the middle of the night, panting, cold sweat dripping from his forehead, because of a particularly bad nightmare.

 

Or perhaps it was when he began to feel numbness— it starts from his face and works its way down to his toes, he takes in lungfuls of oxygen but he finds that he is not able to breathe and it hurts, it _hurtsithurts_ —

 

He finds out— two hours later, after his episode ended— that he’d just had a panic attack.

 

For all one knows, it may be when he’d stopped speaking.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t really know anymore, and he couldn’t be bothered. He finds that the more he thinks, the more confused he gets.

 

Thinking is exhausting, he concludes.

 

But then Yugyeom comes into his life, like sunlight in a spiraling and endless darkness.

 

Jinyoung prefers to think of him as a fucking meteor crashing onto his perfectly fine life, but _whatever_.

 

* * *

 

 

They meet in a cafe.

 

Jinyoung orders his usual and sits on his favorite spot, the grey sky visible through the giant windows peering onto the busy streets of London. It is quite cold today, he thinks, as he warms his fingertips on the surface of his hot coffee.

 

He is about to put down his novel on his table when he sees movement in the corner of his eye.

 

‘Mind if I sit across you?’

 

He raises his head, and assesses the owner of the voice. Brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin— nothing too fancy.

 

He then remembers the reason why the man was here in the first place. Jinyoung looks around the cafe, finding many seats vacant. He arches his eyebrow at the man.

 

‘Ah, sorry, do you not speak English?’

 

Jinyoung huffs in annoyance. He is Korean but surely the novel is a clear indication of his ability to speak English. Besides, the damn wanker was also Korean.

 

He makes a vague gesture of irritation, but then nods his head while pointing to the seat across him.

 

The man looks puzzled, but then proceeded to sit across him anyway. He introduces himself.

 

‘I’m Yugyeom. Kim Yugyeom. Nice to meet you.’

 

_Yugyeom_ , _huh?_ _What_ _an_ _unusual_ _name_.

 

Jinyoung takes out a small notebook and a pen, and writes:

 

**Nice** **to** **meet** **you.**   **I’m** **Jinyoung.**

 

He passes the notebook to Yugyeom.

 

He regards it slowly, and then passes it back.

 

‘Do you come here often?’

 

Jinyoung nods, taking a sip of his coffee.

 

‘It’s kind of weird, talking to you.’

 

He is used to people saying this, so he nods.

 

‘I kind of like it.’

 

At this, he looks up, eyes widening in surprise.

 

Yugyeom is smiling. He grabs his iced coffee— _who_ _drinks_ _iced_ _coffee_ _in_ _this_ _kind_ _of_ _weather?_ — and straightens out his shirt.

 

‘I’ll see you around, Jinyoung.’

 

Jinyoung stares at his back as he leaves.

 

_What_ _an_ _unusual_ _guy._

 

* * *

 

‘What kind of women are you into?’

 

Jinyoung stares at him for three seconds before writing on his notepad. It’s their fourth meeting.

 

**I** **don’t** **really** **know, honestly.**

 

He puts it in the middle of their table.

 

Yugyeom reads it and hums.

 

An idea pops into Jinyoung’s head. He picks up his ballpoint and writes:

 

**What about you?**

 

Yugyeom reads it and the corners of his lips curl up.

 

‘I prefer people like you.’

 

Jinyoung blinks twice. He breaks their gaze and curses his pale skin for showing his blush.

 

Yugyeom laughs.

 

* * *

 

Yugyeom hands him a box full of DVDs. It’s their sixth meeting; they are in his apartment. 

 

‘Choose one while I make us tea.’

 

He sifts through the CDs, and finally settles on _Titanic_.

 

They watch the movie about halfway before Jinyoung realizes that Yugyeom’s hand is above his own. He flinches.

 

Yugyeom immediately removes his hand and turns his head to face Jinyoung, his face plastered with a concerned expression.

 

‘Sorry, you okay?’

 

Jinyoung nods, grabbing for his notebook and begins to write an apology when Yugyeom interrupts him.

 

‘You really don’t need to apologize, you know. S’my fault.’

 

He looks up, startled, his eyes meeting Yugyeom’s smiling face.

 

They continue watching the movie and when it ends, he finds two of Yugyeom’s fingers on top of his hand.

 

He also finds that he does not mind.

 

* * *

 

This time they’re watching _The Notebook_. This is the tenth time they’ve met.

 

‘You’re picking all the cheesy romances aren’t you? Think you’re so sneaky, eh?’

 

Jinyoung can’t help but smile at that; Yugyeom grins back.

 

The movie has barely begun when it starts raining. Jinyoung flinches.

 

‘Aw fuck, the weather forecast lied to us didn’t it?’

 

Jinyoung nods, and hopes that Yugyeom doesn’t notice his discomfort.

 

But of course he does, _the overprotective piece of shit_.

 

‘Hey, you alright?’

 

Jinyoung nods and reaches for his notebook. He thinks for a second, then writes:

 

**Rain unsettles me.**

 

Yugyeom reads it and nods, he moves closer and Jinyoung’s breath quickens. _Surely he isn’t going to—_

 

‘Can we sit closer, then?’

 

Jinyoung blinks. His brain is shouting multiple things that vaguely resemble _‘no, you dumbass, I’ll get a panic attack’._

 

He nods. He does not know why he nods but he keeps nodding. He silently apologizes to his brain.

 

Yugyeom smiles and they cuddle.

 

* * *

 

They are in Jinyoung’s apartment this time, because Yugyeom _insists_ that he is better at Scrabble than he is. They’ve met thirteen times.

 

_Of fucking course_ , as the _bastard_ steps in his apartment, Yugyeom confesses that he does not play Scrabble that often, and that this whole thing is a ploy to get into Jinyoung’s house.

 

‘Aw cmon, you didn’t really think I’m good at Scrabble either did you?’

 

Jinyoung hates him for being right.

 

They play, and Jinyoung takes the lead with 110 points when he spells ‘NUTCRACKER’ with the ‘NUT’ Yugyeom put down.

 

Yugyeom sulks; Jinyoung grins.

 

‘You can’t just take my nut like that!’

 

Jinyoung can’t help but laugh. He realizes that he misses laughing.

 

* * *

 

They’re back in Yugyeom’s apartment because he wants a rematch in Scrabble. The _bastard_ even made him bring the board game to his fucking house. _Unbelievable_.

 

They play until the skies get dark, and then due to Jinyoung’s _immense fucking luck_ , it rains.

 

‘All good?’

 

He tries a tentative smile, and proceeds to ignore it and keep playing.

 

But then lightning struck, and he loses control.

 

His hands shake, and he pants, as he is taken back to that night.

 

No, no, no, _nononono_ —

 

* * *

 

He is aching all over.

 

_Does he deserve this?_

 

He tries to block out the sounds, but it does not work.

 

He registers his father’s screaming, his mother’s pleading and the loud, loud thunder.

 

‘You dare disrespect your family like this?’

 

_Smack_. Pain flares across his back. He tries to shout but finds that his throat is clogged.

 

_Maybe he deserves this._

 

‘How dare you, after I’ve paid for everything.’

 

Another _smack_. Jinyoung does not even try to shout; all he registers is pain.

 

‘You absolute faggot.’

 

He expects another smack, he anticipates the pain, even.

 

_Smash_. The sound of glass breaking, on his head, and he _almost_ blacks out.

 

Lightning strikes, and he registers soft apologies from his mother, and _pain_.

 

_He deserves it._

 

* * *

_‘Jinyoung.’_

 

The sound of thunder. He flinches and gasps.

 

‘Jinyoung, it’s me.’

 

His eyes open. They are on the floor. And then there was thunder, again. He gasps and jolts upright.

 

‘Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe.’

 

His eyes roam; it’s dark, and scary, and it reminds him of pain, and he hates pain, and tears and his _fatherandhismotherand_ —

 

There are gentle hands on his shoulders.

 

‘Jinyoung. Don’t be scared, I’m here.’

 

His eyes finally focus. He tries to speak;

 

_‘Y— Yugyeom.’_

 

It comes out as a whisper, but Yugyeom hears it anyway. The strong arms trail to his midriff, and he is enveloped in a hug.

 

‘Yes, I’m here.’

 

He keeps crying, but the arms stay where they are, anchoring him to reality.

 

For the first time, he makes it through a thunderstorm without blood.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up enveloped in a strong pair of arms, which he knows is Yugyeom’s, but he jolts due to reflex. He hears the breathing pattern break behind him. The arms recoil away from him.

 

‘Shit. Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed—‘

 

Jinyoung shakes his head and pulls back Yugyeom’s arms. He whispers,

 

‘Thank you.’

 

He feels the grip tighten, and somehow, he _knows_ Yugyeom is smiling.

 

‘Don’t mention it.’

 

* * *

 

When does depression end?

 

Jinyoung thinks it’s when he stops hurting himself to the point where it draws blood.

 

Or maybe it was when they kiss for the first time, and Jinyoung’s insides light up like a warm campfire in a cold wintery night.

 

Or perhaps it was when they embraced each other for the first time, bodies sweaty, Yugyeom chanting his name and Jinyoung screaming his; he is unable to breathe but for all the right reasons and his brain repeats yes, yes, _yesyesyes_ —

 

Yugyeom collapses on top of him shortly after, but he does not mind the weight.

 

For all one knows, it may be when he started speaking again.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t really know, and he does not care. He finds that the more he thinks, the more confused he gets.

 

Thinking is exhausting, he concludes.

 

But then Yugyeom comes into his life, _like_ _a_ _fucking_ _meteor_ _crashing_ _onto_ _his_ _perfectly_ _fine_ _life_.

 

That is when he realizes, depression does not end.

 

It keeps eating away at you, but you find things that grow your soul again, and again, and eventually, finally, the growth overtakes.

 

Depression does not end, but Jinyoung learns to live with it, one laugh at a time.

 

Depression does not end, but Jinyoung slowly overcomes it, one spoken word at a time.

 

Depression does not end, but Yugyeom is _here_.

 

_Fin_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, what do you think?
> 
> Reviews and kudos are appreciated <3
> 
> P.S. this was a gift for my friend, so I’ve just gotta confess that I’m not that deep into the k-pop fandom.


End file.
